InfoMan – 411

Why, when I put on my police uniform, am I all of a sudden transformed into “InfoMan”?

I live about 15 miles from my patrol area and have a take-home police car.  Therefore, before and after my shift, I can be found at gas stations, grocery stores and a wide variety of restaurants in my uniform with a police car.  Naturally, I must be on duty . . . right?!?  Invariably, and usually when I’m in a hurry, I hear in the distant background “I’ll ask the police officer”.  Before I can activate my cloaking device, the citizen is upon me, strategically placing herself between me and the exit. “Excuse me Officer”, she says softly, “how do I get to Bowling Green from here”?  Well, I think to myself, a plane would be the fastest alternative, but a car is probably more practical.  I bite my tongue! I reply, “Ma’am I have to apologize but, Bowling Green is about 4 hours away and I really don’t know how to get there.  I seldom venture away from this area”.  So, she replies “you’re a cop and you can’t give me directions”?

That’s right Ma’am, Sir, lost motorist, Sunday driver, big rig driver, grandma, grandpa and confused teen – just because I am a police officer doesn’t mean I know how to get to where you want to go.  It was never a requirement of the police department for which I work to know how to direct you to a state, city, bank, courthouse, sports arena, sports bar or your friends house.  Likewise, I may not know the answer to the following questions (which I have been asked repeatedly):

• Is it going to rain today?
• What is the speed limit of I70 in Ohio (I don’t live in Ohio!)?
• Are dogs allowed on a plane
• What time does the football game start?
• Where is the nearest restroom?
• What time does Arby’s close?
• Are banks open on Columbus Day?
• Where’s the nearest haunted house?
• When will the road construction be finished?
• When’s the last day of school?
• Where’s the cheapest gas?
  
• How much weed do I have to have before it’s a felony?

Before you interrupt a cop’s lunch or cause him to be late to roll call, please try to remember that we probably don’t have the answer.   A uniform and badge makes us no more in-tune with today’s events or today’s weather forecast.  Unless you want to know where something might be located within our patrol area, asking a cop for directions is probably no safer than asking a store clerk or McDonald’s cashier. As for all the other questions posed to cops on a daily basis, please don’t take offense if we say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t know”.